Title: Melting Hot Author: nevdull Rating: PG Category: S In sunlight the trees were crystal and glitter, as if they'd sprouted from a fairy tale. Now, in the moonlight, the branches were painted a luminescent blue. Laurel Springs would have been the most beautiful place she'd ever seen, if not for all the dead people. Scully stumbled over one as she stepped onto the porch. "Ouch, that's gotta not hurt," Mulder said, glancing down at the figure. "I'll bet he found that as funny as I do." She bent to touch the old planks, covered as they were with curious black scorch marks. Her fingers came away with the same black material; it smelled, not unexpectedly, like burnt wood. "Any ideas?" he asked, bending down near her. Scully shook her head and surveyed the immobile populace on the deck. "Not yet. Let's a take a look inside. Help with me this door -- these unfortunate souls are blocking the way in." Together they cleared the front of the house -- cottage, really - - until the entrance was passable and almost inviting. Inviting, except for whatever mystery had turned this little winter vacation home into an impromptu morgue. Inside it was pitch black and everything smelled like fire. In tandem, the agents fished around in their coats and in a moment had illuminated the room. "Festive," Mulder remarked, "for a crime scene." Scully aimed her flashlight at her partner to find him pawing at jaunty helium balloons which were cozying up to the low ceiling. Directing the beam around, she noted other evidence of frivolity -- streamers, banners, cigarettes floating in plastic cups. "H-PP- BI-T---AY!", read a charred series of gold letters that had been hung over the stairs. She cleared her throat. "Is anyone here?" The agents held their breath, but there was no response. Mulder moved past her, towards the kitchen. "Guess we're the life of the party, Scully." He disappeared into the darkness. "Now there's a concept," she said sourly. She pointed the flashlight first up the stairs, then down the hall, considering which direction to take. "Scully, come 'ere," his voice called. "I think I found something." Whatever the cause of the explosion had been, it appeared to have issued from the kitchen; the scorch marks and burnt smell were far, far worse in that little room. Mulder was bent over near the sink, studying something closely. "What?" she asked, stepping towards him. It was a book -- or had been before its recent incineration. "I think," Mulder said, scratching at the blackened cover, "that it's a bartender's guide." A likely guess, she thought, as that part of the countertop was cluttered with broken remains of drink preparation devices: measuring spoons, stirrers, shot glasses, blenders with extra- strength ice crushers. One item stood out -- a perfectly shiny brushed-aluminum cocktail shaker. Scully reached for it. "Not a trace of damage," she muttered. Mulder looked up from the book just in time to see his partner begin to shake the container back and forth. "NO!" he cried, grabbing it from her hand and lobbing it inexpertly through the doorway. Seconds before it hit the floor in the living room, he managed to pull her down and shield his body over her. The explosion rocked the building, and popped the remaining balloons. Scully crawled out from Mulder first, checking them both for injury and dusting off their clothes. They were covered in soot but otherwise unharmed. Mulder peeked briefly into the living room. If it had been damaged before it was downright post-apocalyptic now. The cheery sign over the staircase now wished them both, "--P-- -I-T---Y!" "What the hell happened?" Scully growled. Mulder sighed with uncharacteristic exasperation, and said nothing. Instead, he pointed accusingly at the charred book on the counter, laid open to its original page. She looked. The barely-legible directions, printed in precise type, read: "Atomic Martini" And beneath that, a warning: "Stirred, NOT shaken." --- And now, for the "food": NEV'S MELTING-HOT ATOMIC MARTINI 1/2 oz very dry vermouth 1 1/2 oz Inferno Pepper Pot vodka 2 Trader Joe's Colossal Olives Stuffed with Jalapeno Peppers Dip a martini glass in water; put in freezer. Hope it does not explode. Meanwhile, fill a cocktail shaker with ice, and pour in the vermouth and the vodka. Vigorous shaking is, in fact, advisable. When the glass has an attractive frozen glaze, pour and add speared olives. No umbrellas, please. Serve with a glass of water -- you'll need it.